Archers Sleepcentre Internet Celebration
Our internet office is moving to Hillington and to celebrate the fact we had a night out last Saturday. The Maltman, Glasgow: a Dystopian nightmare of misshapen bodies and twisted minds brought together to celebrate the demon drink.
Home from home for the internet office really.
The deafening sound, the flashing lasers and the fear of one of the dancing dervishes stopping to ask me a question kept me well under cover. I did catch a couple of happenings.
The two new girls had a tiff. “Who was the taller?”. Well, as they are sisters I thought the matter ought to have been settled years ago. I could see the guys thinking that of the possible attributes we might discuss, height wasn’t their first choice. For me I think Sharon has the better…
Billy after 50 years of abuse has finally lost it. Ostracised and lonely he started reading jokes from his phone. I listened briefly, understood nothing, and laughed heartily. I asked him if he has finally calmed down after 10 years with Vicki.
“Ian”, he said.”I spend all night doing what I used to do all night!” Does that make sense? I laughed heartily.
Stevie McG and Samantha had a pouting competition. Stevie, the Para Handy child porn star, versus Sam, our resident resting model (we are breaking her in to the world of real work). At least I think they were pouting. I separated them and we moved on to The Corinthian.
There was a queue and everyone was showing the doorman their passport. Oh no, I thought. I have no proof of age. I gave the doorman my best look of authority. He was suitable cowed and allowed me in. Must try that at work.
Cocktails all round. Calum had the “Club Cocktail” with a very tasteful display of fruit on a stick. A leggy blonde turns round and exclaims surely this cocktail is not for you. If it was me, I would have offered it to her and asked if she came here often. But Calum was thirsty and downed it in one. Another missed opportunity for C.
I forgot to say that so far the internet team hadn’t turned up to the internet leaving celebration. It was 1:30 in the morning and I thought even they must have finished work by now.
Then in they came. The Corinthian dress code destroyed forever. How unfair. The girls were beautiful. I had a brief dance with the sexiest girl in Corinth until the second sexiest girl dragged her off. This happens to me all the time.
Paul was looking worried. He told me he had lost a stone. We looked. I suspected it was trapped between his butt cheeks but I didn’t go there.
We took a trip upstairs. It took some time waiting for Dean. He got his breath back on the landings.
And then it was time to go home. We stood at the Queen Street taxi rank, transfixed by the rods of rain pelting down. I asked L for a cigarette. She said I thought you only smoked when you were having sex. You can’t have one. I could see my vow of chastity was going to survive another night.
And alas the night was over. The internet team banished to darkest Hillington. Back to my Sleepeezee 2000 spring pillow-top. Bliss indeed. If only Mr Simmonds could have talked to me at the NBF Bed Show. I could have waxed lyrical on its benefits after a hard, long night on the town.
Related posts:
- Record sales at Archers Sleepcentre Stirling
- Record UK Internet Bed Sales
- Internet Bed Sales at Record High
- Internet Bed Sales Complaint
- Internet Bed Sales at New High
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