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Michelle Mone needs Aloe Vera Divan

I met Michelle Mone at Glasgow’s Retail Trust Ball on Wednesday.

From the point of view of an old guy who’s marathons are behind him (5 mins and straight to sleep these days), Michelle is a good looking woman.

Someone said she never looked better. Others that she’s a bit rough and not the type of girl I’d want to hang out with. I have to say she was charming, poised, and strikingly good looking, and may have been equal company to Ms Scotland and Ms England who were also there (I’m not sure why – they must like shopping).

So it made me think what bed the inventor of the Ultimo bra ought to sleep on. Something that supports, uplifts and makes you feel good. It was a no-brainer: our Aloe Vera King Size memory foam pocket divan.

Every time I look at the Aloe Vera I think “What a mugs eyeful. Bet when I try it I will be disappointed”. But then I lie down, I think “WOW”. This bed is brilliant. It makes me feel so good I laugh. How much pleasure can you get for under £500? This bed is a must. The Ultimo of beds indeed.

Unfortunately Michelle wasn’t actually on my table. She asked to be moved, but my dinner guests were adamant, they didn’t want to share me.

Gordon Mearns the Sterling Furniture MD was. We tried our hardest not to talk about furniture but faced with the choice of talking about our accountancy training, or beds (our common interests) we lapsed into bed talk.

We both agreed that trade was tough. It’s the fault of those greedy landlords I said. We need to beat them up. Gordon looked a bit worried pointing out that he was a landlord and that as Sterling has never made a loss and had a balance sheet Croesus would be proud of it might be a tough negotiation.

I did feel small. We did agree that retailing isn’t so much fun these days. Idle mediocrity is not an option. I must take a trip up to Tillicoultry, Stirling and see how Gordon does it. Is there a better furniture store in Scotland?

I did go away with a book recommendation: “And the Land Lay Still”. This was from someone who thought Salsburgh, my childhood home, was looked down on by people from Plains. She was very nice so I just agreed. Everyone knows that Salsburgh is cooler than Plains. Poor deluded woman. Married to a furniture retailer too. How much bad luck can you get in a life?


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